Far Away. (part I)

I knew I was somewhere far away. Far away from this daily routine, far away from the sweet fragrance of the spring flowers, far away from the twitter of the birds, far away from that city noise that was killing me day by day, bit by bit. There wasn’t even the sunlight. The spirit of the time stopped, the bitter cold was torturing my soul that was searching for warm, for love and esteem. I was far away from the life that I was living just some moments ago. And I know that I wasn’t dreaming, it was something real. Anyway, in this lucid intervals, I realised that I was alone. For the first time I was alone, and frightened. I had that feeling like I was the only survivor on the earth after a catastrophe. And no one was there to help me, this is the most terrible thing. Loneliness.
My heart was beating so strong like she wanted to escape from my body, that became mechanical. I was permanently thinking what will come after each moment. I was wondering why I am here alone, and only the frozen stars still there, looking at me. I wish that somebody can save me from this nightmare… but no, I have to wait till the sun will appear in the sky.
But suddenly I saw lots of images. I realised that those images where a part of my life. Those images where my memories. Sad and happy memories. I saw my mother, I saw my father, my brother and my sweet sister. I saw also my dog, my grandmother and I saw my best friend in a room, all in white, like she was an angel, looking at me. Those memories seemed to be so true that I thought for a while that I was living again. The shadows of their souls where dancing around me, in a very strange way, like they wanted to tell me something important, like they wanted to prevent me. Now I understand, it wasn’t a nightmare, I wasn’t dreaming, I wasn’t imagining all this, it was my reality. My dark reality.Today, the stars seem to be more cold than ever, seem to be frozen, seem to be completely unreal. And the big, dark sky, is filtering easily the fear in my body, that flows like de blood in the veins. And I’m standing here alone, trying to kill this fear that overwhelmed my all existence, trying to contradict myself, trying to escape from the sorrow that wants to take me in, trying to find the way, trying to become again who I was before.
A voice from my deep presses me, is trying to make me feel guilty, and I’m asking myself, why?

Why?

p.s. to be continued